Sta.sh
Right now,
I hate myself.
I hate everything about me.
I hate that I'm not beautiful,
I hate that I don't feel special,
I hate that I hate myself,
I hate everything about me.
I feel like I have,
This ball of depression,
Pushing down on the top of my lungs,
And my spine.
I don't know what to do,
It makes me feel sick.
And all I want to do,
Is vomit up my emotions.
And I have these notions,
That life isn't worth living,
When you're not living life,
But what is worth living life for?
I feel as if I have this fog,
Covering my brain,
And blinding my eyes,
And I hate it.
I hate feeling like no one cares,
I hate feeling like I've fixed me,
Just to find myself breaking apart.
I hate not knowing exactly how I feel and why,
Because it's all some tangled web.
I hate feeling like I'm going insane,
And there's nothing I can do to stop it.
I hate crying,
and how weak it makes me feel.
I hate feeling like I should be dying,
When my heart doesn't seem to care.
I hate people asking me what's wrong,
Because they're curious,
Not because they actually care.
I hate that when I look in the mirror,
All I can see is this broken wreck of my former self,
Who isn't anything like the person I want to be.
I hate that I never feel good enough,
And that I'm a failure to myself and everyone around me.
I hate that I'm always sick,
And that I never really feel perfectly good.
And if I do,
Someone is always waiting patiently,
To crush it, along with my heart.
I hate having my emotions chase me,
Just to find out I'm chasing them,
And they're leading me in a circle.
I hate it when people tell me something,
But they know they don't really mean it.
And I hate it when people won't admit,
Exactly how they feel,
Because they're just too afraid.
I hate feeling this way,
And I hate hating everything.
I hate writing poetry,
And then feeling like it's faulty,
Just like me.
I hate being told to be positive,
When I hate it.
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Well here it is. </3
Big hug man, thanks for this poetry is painfully beautyfulllllllllllllllll
im agoraphobic.. my whole future revolves around me going outside and getting a job.. but cause of the agoraphobia.. i dropped out of school..stopped going outside...and became depressed as shit and suicidal.
i have no qualifications or anything to get said job..and im still physically and mentally unable to just walk out the door on an every day basis.
this poem hurts..but it's beautiful.
and i love you for it.
but i love it...
because it lets me know that..
im not the only one in the world who feels this way sometimes....
so...thank you
thank you my friend
thank you....